Buy-Stuff-Cheap CEO “If Urban Youths Of Color Take Things At My Store, We Won’t Call The Police!”

By Ivan Fernando

In a move that has earned praise from many progressives, but sneers and ridicule from the radical and racist right, Stan Marshall, the CEO of “Buy-Stuff-Cheap” a small chain of retail stores that sells everything from sneakers to refrigerators in eastern Maryland, recently banned employees from reporting the theft of store goods by “people of colour under any circumstances.”

This journalist had the privilege of interviewing Mr. Marshall by phone last week. A transcript of that interview follows below.

Ivan Fernando: I want to thank you for agreeing to this interview. I understand that your store has been under fire recently for your new policy of allowing poor African-American urban youths to take merchandise, regardless of their ability or willingness to pay for it. If I understand further, they are also allowed to destroy property, in order to vent their rage over racism and economic inequality? Can you tell me a little bit about that policy and how it came about?

Stan Marshall: Thank you for contacting me! It is a pleasure to talk to you today. Recent events have proven that the overwhelming majority of police officers are violent white racists. Suppose a young man of color comes into my store, and takes something. Is it ok to call a bunch of racists, who will likely beat him within an inch of his life or even kill him because of his skin color? I say no! In fact, why punish him at all? We need to level the playing field so that everyone has the same amount of money and property! I am a proud social justice warrior! I believe in giving back to the community!

Ivan Fernando: Indeed. In fact, psychological assessments are starting to be released which prove that police departments are deliberately recruiting disturbed individuals with patterns of violent behaviour against non-whites. I know of a case where a police officer was an out spoken opponent of affirmative action, yet he retained his job for years! Some police captains openly encourage officers to join radical racist groups. Racist groups that advocate the violent overthrow of the US government, like the Tea Party, in order to create a so-called pure white ethnostate, have many police officers as members. Many police are also members of hate-groups, calling themselves churches, which oppose homosexual marriage and even homosexual activities of any kind!

Stan Marshall: Yes, absolutely. The police are a bunch of rabid white dogs, thirsting for innocent blood. They want to bite and tear innocent youths of color to pieces and to rend their flesh with their teeth! When I was a young man, I once saw a police officer lynch an African-American because he ‘stole’ a pack of cigarettes! Human rights and human dignity mean nothing to them. They are privileged, white, and they feel entitled to go on hording all of the wealth and commodities in our society for themselves. Well, that isn’t ok. It’s not ok when white people have more than people of color. It’s not ok that white cops are massacring youths of color across this country every day because they don’t like their skin color!

Ivan Fernando: Thank you! I’m gratified that there is someone in the business community who understands the plight of young urban black men and who wants to conduct his business in an equitable and just way. I didn’t know businessmen like you existed! I understand that you also have a policy of not reporting riots at store locations as well?

Stan Marshall: “If a riot ensues at one of our locations, staff have been instructed not to call the police. We need to give rioters space to loot, to vandalize, to destroy, and to take things. They need to be allowed to do whatever they need to do for their family’s economic improvement. If they are angry and they need to destroy things, they can destroy our stores! I understand their pain and frustration! I want to help them! I want to make a difference. It isn’t ok for me as a privileged white man to intervene in the just and righteous uprising of oppressed people of color in this country! If they start taking things from my stores or rioting, I’ll be cheering them on from the intercom! We have also equipped store employees with protective armour at some locations, in case of danger!”

Ivan Fernando: But they are not armed are they?

Stan Marshall: Of course not! Who do you think I am! I hate guns and I want to ban them! In my opinion, if you have to use a gun to protect something, the thing you are protecting isn’t worth having. Guns create an atmosphere of violence and they are a tool that police and security personnel use to intimidate youths of color! Guns create a psychological compulsion in their owners, which supersecedes rationality and insists on using violence no matter what the situation is. This is all brought out by a recent Harvard study. Guns actually create violence and perpetuate racial injustice.

Ivan Fernando: Thank you very much for taking the time to talk with me today. You sir, are the real deal, a true progressive and a gentleman. I am afraid that’s all the time we have though.

Stan Marshall: Thank you for interviewing me. Have a nice day!

Ivan Fernando: Thank you and goodbye.

Unfortunately, after this interview was concluded, Buy-Stuff-Cheap was hit with tragedy. It seems that all of their stores were relieved of their entire inventory last night by a group of masked African-American urban youths. In accordance with the store policy employees did not call the police. Mr. Marshall reports that he has been unable to find a lawyer to represent him in his suit against the store’s insurance company, which has declined to accept liability for the stolen property. The company alleges that Buy-Stuff-Cheap, somehow failed to take responsible actions to secure its stores and to prevent property theft.

Complicating matters further, Mr. Marshall is facing a joint lawsuit by a group of former female employees who allege that they were gang-raped on store property. Their attorney claims that the store’s stated policy of refusing to call police during any robberies by African-American youths “created an atmosphere in which lawless criminals felt they could violate property and attack store employees with impunity, resulting in violent physical assaults and gang-rapes. Mr. Marshall’s stated policies make him personally responsible for this, he aided and abetted these criminals. He invited this tragedy, and it was preventable.”

Mr. Marshall has denounced his former employees as “stuck up white girls looking for a pay day” and has stated further that “If they had an ounce of progressive principles they wouldn’t be reporting alleged rapes in which the alleged assailant is a person of color. They need to own their privilege as middle-class white women! They shouldn’t have been raped, because they should have offered the urban property liberators consensual sex! Check your privilege people! Looting stores can get ugly, sometimes people get hurt, but where is our sympathy for the looters? What did we do as whites to make them do these things, how did we force them to do them?”

If anyone knows of a progressive attorney who would be willing to represent Stan Marshall on a pro bono bases, please contact us immediately so that we can forward their information to him. Our thoughts and prayers right now are with Stan Marshall and his family. Let us hope that the progressive community will rally together to help a businessman who refused to join in the economic rape and exploitation of people of color.

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