By Tyrone Walid McCallister
Samantha Thompson is pregnant, and about to give birth. She is also sick with the flu. That didn’t stop her from excitedly naming the sex of the fetus, to friends, family and the whole world on her Facebook account. (Progressives are now calling for Facebook to up its censorship campaign, having allowed such a post to stay online for over 24 hours straight.) The simple fact is that NO ONE, repeat NO ONE can name the sex of a so-called “baby,” to use her term, until that baby tells the world what their sex is! Fortunately, the small town of Staubenville, Alabama has elected a progressive mayor. The mayor exercising his/her lawful constitutional authority, declared a state of emergency, and has recalled all sitting judges. He/She has replaced them with non racist, non sexist, non-transphobic, and non-gender binary ones. The judges are noted for their progressive politics, and group memberships.
When Judge Clarence-Alison, who identifies as both male and female, saw Samantha’s online post, claiming her so-called “baby” had a specific sex, the Judge rightly become enraged. “I literally threw my cup of coffee against the wall, shattering it, then I picked up my computer monitor and smashed it on the floor. I was so angry, and appalled, I couldn’t control myself,” the honorable judge said, before adding that. “We don’t live in medieval times anymore. The idea that people could identify someone’s gender based on a sonogram has no basis in science whatsoever. Such a person is literally insane, or profoundly sick. She belongs in a hospital for the criminally insane, or a prison, for this online post. One or the other, clearly. I won’t stand by and allow this to take place.”
Thankfully, Judge Clarence-Alison leapt into action, like a comic book hero, or heroine, and immediately issued an emergency injunction, informing Samantha Thompson that she was legally barred from claiming to know, or to state the sex of the non-viable fetus inside her womb. Someone send this judge a cape. He/she is a hero-heroine. Move over Batman, and Wonder-Woman! Immediately after issuing the injunction, the honorable Judge issued an arrest warrant, and police were dispatched to arrest Samantha, hauling her behind off to the slammer. Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end there. This ignorant, and disruptive woman was determined not to go quietly.
Mrs. Thompson, in fact, resisted arrest, forcing officers to escalate the situation. Refusing to be handcuffed, Mrs. Thompson demanded to know what she was being charged with. That’s when officer Darrow Johnson III picked up his baton and gave her a strong whack to the back, sending her falling to the ground immediately, while informing her that “per the judge’s orders, you have no right to know the charges against you. Any statement can and will be construed as an act of violent resistance that must be dealt with using the strongest force. Mouth off like that again, and I’ll use this baton to knock all your teeth out. I am like, a lawful police officer, acting on lawful orders ok? I am not fucking around anymore with your dumb ass, stupid bitch!” Some religious nazi types witnessing the scene, expressed concern for their neighbor, yelling “she’s pregnant, please don’t do that.” the officer rightly shouted back, “per the supreme court, unborn babies aren’t people, you morons, so shut up, you want some of this? Don’t make me come over there and beat y’all up, I’ll break all the windows in your house, and your car. I’ll burn all your God-damned houses down! Stupid ass Karens. Don’t you know I am acting with lawful legally court authorities and shit like that?” Prompting the busy-body rubbernecking neighbors to silence their ignorant tongues.
Officer Johnson, in fact, owes his job to the very honorable Judge. He was hired after he/she immediately instituted new affirmative action policies, specifying that at least 50 people with tested IQs below 70, and who have speech impediments, and other disabilities, be immediately recruited, and hired to join the city’s police department. Officer Johnson is the first police officer to also have a serious bladder problem, and he sometimes urinates on himself in the course of his duty. At a special welcoming ceremony, the Judge noted, “You are all the most beautiful people in the world, and the smartest. I don’t care what anyone says. I can count on you to really follow my orders, while I was getting nothing but shit from some of the old establishment cops, who literally wanted to question almost everything I did. I had to fire their dumb asses post-haste. I am looking for good people, who just do what they are told, and you are the best for that. I don’t want to have to constantly explain myself to stupid people with questions and legal concerns, and theories about the legality of the things I choose to do in my capacity as a judge. They can shove that shit. Thank you, officers!” The racist media reported that some of the officers seemed unaware of where they were, with one even asking, am I a cop now or a firefighter? This isn’t a cause for concern, but for celebration. Now finally, people of all different mental levels and abilities are being represented in law enforcement!
Already, a few conspiracy-oriented racists, and religiously fanatical websites, are claiming that some grave injustice or outrage has occurred. They claim that the honorable judge’s order was somehow unlawful. They claim excessive force was used in Mrs. Thompson’s arrest, and they claim further, that the injunction against Mrs. Thompson stating the biological sex of her “unborn baby,” is “unlawful,’ and “unconstitutional.” What do I say? Who gives a rat’s bottom, the Constitution is an out-dated document, written by dead white males. So what if it does say that, it’s not like courts have been upholding it anymore. Racists, transphobes, and bigots, can no longer hide behind a piece of paper that courts have increasingly recognized has no relevance!
Sorry Nazis, but a penis does not mean male, a vagina does not mean female. That is the kind of simplistic and cis gendered hetero-normative scientism that appealed to Adolf Hitler, and that the Third Reich propagated. I want to be clear, if you take this view, you are literally in the same camp as Adolf Hitler. That should be enough to silence all of you. You need to be shouted down, arrested, and your keyboard and phone need to be confiscated so that you can’t violently assault persecuted minorities with your ignorant and STUPID opinions! You cannot claim to be woke, progressive, or even labor friendly, if you take any other view, period. We will hound you out of our institutions, parties, organizations, and causes.
Let me be clear, we will gather around you, when you are at the grocery store, or taking your sick pet to the vet, and shout that you are a “racist, sexist, transphobe,” until you get down on your knees, and recant, and beg for your life. Maoist style dunce caps are now being created, which list crimes, such as racist, sexist, homophobe, and transphobe. We are going to find you, wherever you are, and place them on your heads. Then we will march you through town, forcing you to publicly confess your crimes! Your arms will be pulled behind you and you will be kicked in the back. You fall to your knees, while we order you to confess your guilt with a boot against the back of your head!
We are all aware that so-called medical “doctors,” used to identify a penis with being male, and a vagina, with being female. Science has now evolved. We recognize that biological men can get pregnant, or have periods. Now we are more progressive. Society finally stopped labeling people based on erroneous stereotypes. Unfortunately, many white people, and Karens like Mrs. Thompson, resist change, clinging to an idyllic imaginary past that never existed. In fact, things like gender, and sexuality, were always fluid. It was only in Victorian times, that proto Nazis imposed a rigid sexual identity theory, claiming that males had certain organs and sex characteristics, and the same for females. This had nothing to do with science, and had everything to do with blind, irrational hatred.
In a positive development, it has just been reported that Samantha Thompson has had a miscarriage. The non-viable fetus inside her, that was never a living organism of any kind, is now non-alive, which is the proper term, since a fetus can’t die, having never been alive to begin with, according to medical authorities. This may render the entire controversy moot, and serve as a warning to other violent bigots, who would dare to resist the proper authorities to which we all must submit without question. Let us hope that bigots are lying awake at night in bed, and cowering in their boots with fear!
The usual zealots, racists, and bigoted fanatics are holding a candle light vigil, and demanding “justice.” Of course, we know what their “justice,” involves. It probably means a violent attack on the doctors who destroy the fetus-parasites, that sometimes infest men’s, and women’s wombs. Fortunately, Judge Clarence-Alison is proving to be absolutely tireless, and has leapt into action once again. He/She declared, “Using the powers I have given myself, under the City’s Emergency State Act, of 2020, I am ordering the creation of a new city department. This will be known as the Department of Pre-Crime. The job of the department will be to identify, and eliminate, violent threats from racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, and islamophobes. Lately, racists have been claiming that the peaceful religion of Islam has something against the LGBTQ. That is ignorant, and entirely false. It does not. Recognizing that thoughts lead to actions, the Department of Pre-Crime was founded. It will be tasked with shutting down protests, organizations, and so-called political candidates, who express bigoted, and ignorant views. We will stop actual violent crimes before they can happen. Some people say this is Orwellian. Some people say that I am ‘out of control,’ invoking patriarchal stereotypes about hysterical women, who lose touch with reality. Those women never existed, and that never happened anywhere, even once! In other news, I have also banned the word “hysterical.” Hysterical derives from the Greek word for womb and as a woman and a progressive, I find that offensive. A bigot called me hysterical, and that was it! Do not use that word, or I will have you arrested! I’d also have your tongue cut off, if I could, but we aren’t there yet. We still have a ways to go, frankly. Thank you in advance for your cooperation, and for not transgressing the boundaries of acceptable thought and speech.”
This woman/man truly is a maverick. I want to be the first one to say it. I think that President-Elect Joe Biden should nominate Judge Clarence-Alison for Attorney General of the United States. With a small town judge like this, in hicksville Alabama, of all places, taking this kind of bold and decisive action, we can all begin to feel some confidence in the future. The racists will not win. We will not allow it. Racism is the past, and progressivism is the future. Soon, science will figure out how to identify which brains are prone to thought crimes, so that the incurably bigoted can be lobotomized, or euthanized, to protect society from their hurtful, and hateful opinions, which really amount to acts of violence, and have no place in a democratic society that respects human rights and human dignity.
Republicans, conservatives, racists, and other bigots, do not respect human rights. They are obsolete. They deny the fundamental right of every man, woman, and child, to not be offended, ever, and in any way. We champion human rights, which is why we are human beings, and our enemies are not. If you are not progressive, you are not a true human being. You are something else, something beneath us, a monster. You do not have a right to speak or to think anymore. You better shut up, or we will be forced to take more draconian measures to silence you, and to stop the evil chemical exchanges in your brains, which you falsely call thought-processes, but which we call hate. Hate has no future, only hope does.
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