By Ray Charlston
According to anonymous sources within the United Nations, last Thursday an extra-terrestrial claiming to represent the “Galactic Federation,” a federation of independent planets and alien races, gave a speech before the UN. This meeting was classified as top-secret by the world body, and member nations have voted not to disclose its contents. The ambassador of the Galactic Federation, whose name is unpronounceable by humans, has indicated that they have plans to incinerate Earth, if all of their reasonable demands are not met within the next ten Earth years.
The Galactic Federation has demanded that Earth end all economic disparities among racial, ethnic and national groups. Quoting Karl Marx, the ambassador stated that Earth’s new motto must be “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his need.” Warning that they will not permit humans to contaminate the galaxy with racism, income inequality, or to possibly enslave and exploit the inhabitants of other planets, the Galactic Federation has also demanded that all Earth governments agree to complete nuclear disarmament.
Providing instructions for how to achieve complete economic equality, the ambassador observed that “Governments must engage in income redistribution. Governments must tax citizens and then redistribute funds to them in order to achieve complete equality.” Explaining that humans differ in abilities, intelligence, and work ethics, it (his race reportedly has no gender) went on to note that it will take a strong and authoritarian world government in order to achieve complete equality, which is humanity’s most noble aspiration. “Dissent must not be tolerated; it will be necessary to exterminate anyone who expresses dissent or advocates against these necessary reforms. They must be dealt with mercilessly. Bad ideas are as deadly as weapons, often more so. They must be annihilated entirely. We hope that humans have the strength to do what is necessary for their own evolution and survival.”
In a comment that shocked and upset some UN ambassadors, the Galactic Federation’s spokesperson noted that “The mere existence of gender is a threat to equality. It must be abolished. There must no longer be males or females. We will teach you how to chemically and surgically alter your bodies to create a single gender. You will be able to reproduce using cloning technology, which we will share with you at our discretion. As long as men and women have existed, there has been discord. We will help you to end the gender war. This will be merely another phase in your evolution. We can also show you how to surgically alter your brains, so that all human beings will have the same IQ, ending and abolishing class divisions that forever have plagued your species.”
In a startling statement, the Galactic Federation’s ambassador noted that “Diversity is not a strength as many of you claim to believe. All conflicts ultimately stem from differences, differences in beliefs, values, attitudes, points of view, religions, cultures, and political systems. It is necessary that human beings be genetically modified in order to create a single race of equivalent height, skin tone, intelligence and abilities. You must create unity through conformity and sameness if you are to evolve and survive. Fortunately, present trends show miscegenation is rapidly increasing on your planet. Within a few hundred years everyone will be brown in skin tone and roughly equivalent. Although diversity is your greatest weakness, the end result of its advocacy is, ironically, sameness and conformity through miscegenation. For that reason, we urge that you continue your dishonesty in advocating diversity to the ignorant masses, as this ultimately serves our objectives.”
The ambassador noted that “Earth is not paying its fair share in taxes. Your planet is rich in commodities, minerals, precious metals, and other resources. Many planets are greatly impoverished and lacking in these essential materials. It is only fair that Earth pay its fair share. That is why 85% of all of earth’s commodities must be confiscated by the Galactic Federation, so that they can be equitably redistributed on other worlds. If you resist, we will take them by force, in order to further democracy and social justice. You have ten years to prepare for this. The question is, does humanity have the character and conscience to do what is right voluntarily? Are human beings willing to make the necessary sacrifices for the betterment of other races? Or, are you selfish egoists, who would prefer to horde Earth’s valuable resources and commodities solely for the use of human beings?”
Many of Earth’s governments have voted to submit to and to adopt the policies imposed upon us by the benevolent and peace loving Galactic Federation. The United States of America, including its satellite powers, the European Union, Japan, and South Korea have indicated their agreement and willingness to comply with all of the demands imposed upon Earth. President Obama, and unnamed leaders of the European Union, have already signed a top secret concordant with the Galactic Federation, promising to enact its laws and accept its jurisdiction over Earth, ushering in a bold new era of democracy, equality and social progress.
Unfortunately, some reactionary and authoritarian governments are already planning to go to war with the rest of the universe, in order to preserve their unequal, inequitable and undemocratic systems. They cannot be reasoned with, and it will be necessary for sane and sensible governments to defeat them and occupy them by military force, in order to liberate their oppressed citizens, and to establish democracy and equality over the whole Earth.
The DPRK (North Korea) has even threatened nuclear war with the Galactic Federation! Kim Won Jae, the DPRK’s ambassador to the UN noted that, “We will never permit these despicable space-men, or their American imperialist allies to conquer us! These aliens offer a world devoid of any beauty or creativity. As the Juche idea, articulated by our Great Eternal President says, “Man is the master of everything, man decides his own destiny.” We will continue to live as males and females. We will not become the eunuch slaves of this hideous alien race. To threaten us with incineration is a hostile and provocative act and we will respond with deadly force. The so-called Galactic Federation will soon face the deadly peril of the invincible might of the Korean People’s Army! Our nuclear warheads will blow these alien monsters out of the sky!”
President Vladimir Putin of the Russian Federation has reportedly said, “I am prepared to go to war with them. The only alternative is slavery. The men of Russia will not be emasculated. We are a proud people and we will not give up our identity and culture to be submerged into a strange new kind of servile humanity, at the bidding of this alien power. We will not submit to the plundering of our resources and property. This amounts to theft on an incomprehensible scale. We regard these threats as hostile actions. If the Galactic Federation strikes Russia, we will fight back. We are disappointed that our American and European partners have decided to surrender. We hope that they will reconsider their position. I call upon the citizens of the European Union and of the United States, and of the entire world, to do whatever is necessary to resist this hostile alien invasion.”
The National People’s Congress, of the People’s Republic of China, has issued a classified statement on the Galactic Federation. “China desires good and neighbourly relations with extra-terrestrial races. However, if this hostile group, which purports to represent the entire universe, but so far has offered no definitive proof to substantiate this claim, attempts to make good on its threats against us, we will go to war! We are saddened and surprised by the decision of so many nations to effectively kowtow before this self-proclaimed Galactic Federation. We ask and urge other nations to consider what its real motives may be. Perhaps their goal of making all humans into one race and gender is in order to streamline human beings for the purpose of the total enslavement of earth? If we are all the same, we are like interchangeable parts in a machine. We must assume that their intentions are far from noble by their threat to use force if we do not comply with their demands.”
Muslim and African nations have remained divided on the issue of the Galactic Federation. Most Muslim nations are insisting that this alien race is a fiction, and is in reality an evil race of spirit beings known as jinn, mentioned in Islamic literature. These Muslims claim that the jinn race is attempting to deceive humanity. Several South American nations have declared their neutrality, in the event of any war between the Galactic Federation and any of Earth’s governments.
North Korea, Russia and China, have already formed a bloc of nations, “The Free Earth Front,” to fight the Galactic Federation, labelling them “galactic imperialists” and falsely and hypocritically mischaracterizing them, as somehow menacing and scornful of human rights and freedoms. Iran, Syria, Cambodia and Myanmar have also joined this new front. There is a real danger that more nations may decide to join them. In reality, as President Obama has noted, in secret communications, according to our unnamed sources, the Galactic Federation only wants to bring about world peace and to save humanity from itself. If we turn against the forces of democracy and tolerance in the universe, we risk the certain and well deserved, incineration of our planet forever.
President Obama, as well as Donald Tusk of the European Council, and Ban Ki-moon, Secretary General of the United Nations, have reportedly spent several hours conferring at the White House, in highly secret meetings, with the Galactic Federation’s ambassador. All have been amazed by its knowledge, wisdom, commitment to human rights, and its positive wishes for humanity’s future. We should rightly trust that these world leaders have only the best and most noble intentions, and that they are working to ensure peace for our planet, and for our entire galaxy.
There is absolutely no evidence to back up the outrageous and unpatriotic reports on some conspiracy web-sites, that world leaders, elites in the government, media, entertainment, academia and finance have been paid off and offered safe passage to a life-sustaining planet outside of our solar system, upon the so-called “enslavement” of earth. This claim is so outlandish, only the most ignorant and hateful people could possibly entertain it.
Entirely baseless reports are being pushed by tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy nuts, alleging that Galactic Federation leaders live in extreme wealth and opulence, owing to the slave labour of countless conquered worlds. Rather, they are a selfless race of ascetics, whose only mission is to spread peace, equality and democracy throughout the galaxy. These conspiracy theories are being circulated by fascists and racists, who, in reality, hate democracy and equality! They want to confuse and mislead the public.
Attacks against the Galactic Federation amount to racism and terrorism! Fortunately, America and her allies are once again leading the fight to defeat these evil democracy-hating terrorists forever! To punish them, we will enact crippling economic sanctions, starving their civilian populations! We will bomb them back to the stone age, so that we can free their oppressed people!
In perilous times like this, the world needs to rally around President Obama, the United States government, the European Union and the UN. We need to recognize, respect, and accept the authority of the Galactic Federation. This is a time of unparalleled promise for humanity, but also of unlimited peril. If we reject democracy, and insist on fighting the very forces which offer the realization of our greatest aspirations for peace, we will surely seal humanity’s doom.
Clearly, Russia, China, North Korea, and all of their reactionary, racist, and undemocratic allies must be defeated. If they do not immediately abandon their belligerent position, we must use all necessary force to defeat them militarily, in the name of democracy and human rights! We must free and liberate their oppressed peoples so that they too can live under the beneficent and democratic rule of the Galactic Federation, where every person will be equal!
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